Many a man owes his success to his first wife and his second wife to his success

Jim Backus
American actor
1913 - 89

When a woman has given you her heart, you can never get rid of the rest of her body

John Vanbrugh

English Architect and dramatist
1664-1726

just for fun...

So you're daughter's a hooker and it spoiled your day. Look at the bright side, it's really good pay.

My tire was thumping. I thought it was flat. When I looked at the tire, I noticed your cat.

Heard your wife left you, how upset you must be. But don't fret about it...She moved in with me.